11/14/2025 – Swyvers, Ep. 2 – Cheesemongers

Summary

The crew picked up on the Lenzois manor’s upper landing, intent on finding Cecilia and settling their uneasy arrangement with the family. A child’s bedroom lay shredded—claw marks on plaster, furniture in splinters—and a small boy rocked in a corner pleading for food. When handed “meat” scavenged from the older son’s foul room, he tore into it like an animal and quieted. Across the hall, a wary voice rebuffed them from the guest room until Orson coaxed out the story: Lady Dulcinea, a widowed relation, wanted Lord Peter and Helen dead and would pay in jewelry. She also spat the truth about Cecilia—she had gone below on her own to hold the larder against the ratfolk—and made it plain she loathed the household’s new appetite.

The stairs to the wine cellar revealed why the house stank of sour grape and fur. A dozen ratfolk—“cheese thieves”—lounged, stumbled, and argued, with more convalescing in side rooms. Their warlord, the Big Cheese, sprawled like a furry despot among bottles and bones. They wanted the larder, nothing else. Edgar tried the direct route, hammering the braced door, drawing a shrieked threat from within, then slipping through to find Cecilia in rusty mail, sword in hand, eyes wild from four days behind a barricade. She demanded aid; Edgar kept her blade down long enough to suggest terms.

Outside, Amos kept the Big Cheese talking, and Lucky Clover broke into a tavern song that had one ratfolk whirling and the rest clapping in drunken time. Maisie Fae, with Krusty at heel and a crystal ball in hand, promised the chieftain a she‑rat paramour if he held his horde five minutes. Inside the larder, the crew cut a deal with Cecilia: give the rats the dairy and spirit the family’s true “stores” out through the ruined kitchen. The door flew wide, and with the cellar roaring for cheese, the party dragged three bodies’ worth of meat up the servants’ way while the ratfolk flooded the shelves and forgot everything but rind and wheel.

On the landing, a peek through a cracked door froze them again. Peter, Helen, and Cecilia were eating Lady Dulcinea. The door clicked shut. Moments later they knocked as if none of it had been seen and reported the ratfolk routed, the breach located, and the “important food” saved. Peter, contrite and ravenous, promised to fill the hole the ratfolk had dug from the midden and offered them a proper job on the morrow, provided discretion went both ways. The four ratfolk sent upstairs earlier would be redirected; in the meantime, Maisie arranged through her rat-catcher contact to set the Big Cheese up with a likely she‑rat, cementing a fragile new alliance below.

Before leaving, the crew looted what they safely could. The library yielded mundane and occult volumes and a scrap in a desk repeating Peter II is dead beneath a portrait of Peter the First—one more unsettling note in a house already steeped in secrets. They slipped back into the night with coin enough to keep hunger off for a day, a secret pact with cannibals upstairs, a handshake with a rat king downstairs, and two promises looming: a job from Peter tomorrow, and a rendezvous to prove the Big Cheese’s true love is more than smoke.

OUTLINE:

Upstairs Tensions: Starving Child and Lady Dulcinea’s Offer

• Found a trashed child’s bedroom; soothed a ravenous boy by feeding him meat from the older son’s room
• Met Lady Dulcinea in the guest room; she revealed Cecilia had gone below to hold the larder
• Lady Dulcinea offered her jewelry if the party killed Lord Peter and Helen
• The group tabled the assassination proposition and moved to find Cecilia

Wine Cellar Descent and the Ratfolk Horde

• Entered the cellar to discover numerous drunken ratfolk led by the Big Cheese
• Ratfolk demanded access to the sealed larder; dead ratfolk piled outside the door
• Edgar hammered the door, then slipped inside to parley with whoever defended it

The Larder Standoff: Dual Negotiations

• Inside, Edgar found Cecilia in rusty mail, exhausted but resolute after four days
• Amos chatted up the Big Cheese; Lucky Clover led a bar song that charmed the mob
• Maisie Fae used her crystal ball to promise the Big Cheese a she‑rat soulmate
• The crew struck a deal: give the rats the dairy while spiriting the family’s human meat out through the kitchen
• They hauled three bodies’ worth of meat upstairs as the ratfolk flooded the larder to gorge on cheese

Grim Reveal and Delicate Pact

• Peeking into Lady Dulcinea’s room, they saw Peter, Helen, and Cecilia feasting on Dulcinea
• Chose discretion; knocked and presented the recovered “special” stores
• Peter agreed to fill the cellar breach and promised a job for the party tomorrow
• Maisie arranged through a rat‑catcher contact to find a she‑rat for the Big Cheese, securing a nascent alliance

Loose Ends and Leads

• Looted the library for mundane and occult books
• Found a scrap note repeating Peter II is dead beneath a portrait of Peter the First
• Noted a suspicious hollow wall elsewhere but left it for later
• Departed with fragile agreements both above and below, and a promised job on the horizon

NPCs:

• Cecilia Lenzois: The granddaughter who chose to defend the larder herself, spending four days inside with sword drawn. Exhausted yet sharp, she cut a practical deal and later joined Peter and Helen upstairs.
• Lady Dulcinea: A widowed relation who despised Peter and Helen and offered her jewelry to have them killed. By the time the crew returned with the “meal,” Peter and family were eating her.
• Lady Helen Lenzois: Peter’s wife and quiet partner in the family’s darkest habit. She was found dining upstairs and said little beyond accepting the delivery.
• Lord Peter Lenzois: The head of the house, publicly dignified and privately starving. He accepted the party’s help to recover his family’s preferred fare and promised them a job tomorrow, so long as discretion is kept.
• Rat-Catcher (Maisie’s contact): A city fixer who knows nests, sewers, and where to find ratfolk when coin is right. He agreed to help locate a suitable she‑rat to please the Big Cheese.
• Starving Boy: A pale, hungry child found weeping in a ruined bedroom, soothed only by meat. His presence underscored the house’s terrible diet and the chaos infecting its halls.
• The Big Cheese: Bloated chieftain of the ratfolk “cheese thieves” who tunneled in from the midden. Wine-sodden but cunning enough to bargain, he now expects a she‑rat introduction and considers the crew useful friends of the horde.

ITEMS:

• Billyhook: Archie’s farmhand’s blade, equally at home in hedgerow or alley. He swears it is just a tool.
• Crystal Ball: Maisie Fae’s treasured focus, equal parts con and second sight. Its promises captivated the Big Cheese at a crucial moment.
• Jewelry (Lady Dulcinea’s offer): Shining pieces laid out in a guestroom dresser, promised as payment for murder. They were never claimed.
• Masquerade Mask: A lacquered face once worn for revels, now a reminder that identity is a costume when the job demands it.
• Mundane Books and Stationery: Honest texts and paper worth a modest sum, stacked into packs for resale.
• Occult Volumes: Illicit tomes culled from the Lenzois library. Useful to the right buyer and dangerous to sell in the wrong quarter.
• Portrait of Peter the First: A grand oil of an earlier patriarch, watching over a house gone wrong.
• Rusty Barber’s Blade: A stained straight razor with a past best left unspoken. It marks Edgar’s comfort with blood and close work.
• Scrap Note: “Peter II is dead”: A fevered hand scrawled the phrase over and over beneath a portrait of Peter the First. Either a confession, a warning, or both.
• Sledgehammer: Edgar’s favorite persuader, better at making statements than subtle openings. It announced him at the larder door before he slipped inside.

LOCATIONS:

• Attic Access: A pull-down hatch on the upstairs hall. The crew suspected ratfolk might have wandered up during the chaos.
• Guest Room (Lady Dulcinea): A sparse chamber where the widow nursed grudges and plotted murder-for-jewels. Its door stood ajar later, revealing her terrible fate.
• Lenzois Manor: A respectable façade wrapped around a nest of secrets. Its upper floors hold family rooms and the guest chamber; below lie the wine cellar and the breached larder that drew the ratfolk in from the midden.
• Library: Overstuffed shelves from penny dreadfuls to occult treatises. The crew lifted choice volumes and found a scrap repeating Peter II is dead.
• Midden Sewers: The ratfolk’s highway beneath the city, connecting burrows, breaches, and other people’s problems. The Big Cheese’s horde tunneled from here into the cellar.
• Ruined Child’s Room: Clawed walls and smashed furniture frame a single starving boy. The room’s state hinted at both the infestation and the family’s appetites.
• Ruined Kitchen: Rat-fouled, pot-littered, and rank, it became the smuggler’s route to haul meat past the mob and up the stairs.
• The Larder: A braced storeroom packed with dairy and the Lenzois family’s “special” stores. Cecilia defended it for days until the party forced a solution.
• Wine Cellar: Once a pride of the house, now a drunken ratfolk camp. Empty bottles, overturned casks, and slumbering thieves filled the floor.

FACTIONS:

• City Watch: The ever-looming threat of arrest promised by the Lenzois if the crew failed them. Best kept as a rumor, not a meeting.
• Lenzois Household: A wealthy family veiling cannibal appetites beneath civility. Dangerous clients who value discretion and results.
• Ratfolk Cheese Thieves: A wine-drenched horde with a single-minded lust for dairy, led by the Big Cheese. Prone to violence, but open to bargains when bellies are full.

QUESTS:

• Arrange a match for the Big Cheese: Maisie promised to find a suitable she‑rat through her rat‑catcher contact to cement goodwill with the ratfolk.
• Assassinate Lord Peter and Lady Helen for Lady Dulcinea: The widow offered all her jewelry if the crew killed Peter and Helen. Before a decision was made, the family ate Dulcinea.
• Clear or placate the ratfolk in the cellar: The Lenzois wanted the ratfolk problem handled. A truce was brokered by trading dairy for peace and promising a she‑rat rendezvous for the Big Cheese.
• Fence the occult books to a safe buyer: The crew lifted illicit tomes from the Lenzois library and needs the right fence to move them without heat.
• Rescue Cecilia from the larder: Cecilia barricaded herself in the larder for four days against ratfolk assaults. The party reached her, struck a deal, and got her out safely with the family’s preferred stores.
• Return for Peter’s promised job: After delivering the ‘special’ stores and averting a bloodbath, Peter asked the crew to come back tomorrow for paid work.

PLAYER CHARACTERS

• Amos: A smooth-tongued go-between who can chum up to cutthroats and nobles alike. Amos kept the Big Cheese talking and helped grease the fragile deal in the cellar, buying the precious minutes the crew needed to move their prize. He is at his best when others are losing their nerve.
• Archie: A farmhand-turned-burglar who swears his billyhook is a proper tool of the trade, not a weapon. He keeps a masquerade mask tucked away, masking a knack for quick hands and quicker exits. Archie’s street pragmatism steered the party away from needless bloodshed more than once.
• Edgar: A friendly, unsettling bruiser who favors a sledgehammer and carries a rusty barber’s blade as a keepsake from bloodier work. Edgar’s blunt instincts led him to pry open the larder and win Cecilia’s trust in the heat of the standoff. He prefers decisive action backed by plain talk.
• Lucky Clover: A literate deliveryman and aspiring poet who keeps a violin case and a soft spot for the finer bottle. Lucky turns tavern tunes into tools; his impromptu drinking song pacified half a cellar of ratfolk. He also sniffed out the best loot in the Lenzois library.
• Maisie Fae: A ragged street seer with a crystal ball and a mangy, loyal dog named Krusty. Maisie blends eerie intuition with opportunism, dazzling marks and monsters alike with promises glimpsed in the glass. Her bold matchmaking pledge to the Big Cheese turned a hostile horde into a tentative ally.
• Orson: A cautious prowler with an eye for doors and danger who lets others draw attention while he scouts the angles. Orson’s careful peeks revealed the worst of the manor’s secrets at the right moments. He favors staying unseen until words or blades must be drawn.