The Vault of the Once Great Thief Ep 1

The Belowdowners—Goro the Kasatha Slayer, Bogmire the Crocodilian Ranger, and Fat Slasher the Fetchling Gourmand—ventured into a den rumored to belong to thieves. After a comical and fruitless attempt to destroy a crude barricade, they explored the dusty corridors, finding signs of kobold habitation, such as small, dirty beds and walls painted with ominous red skulls. Deciding to avoid the clearly marked territory, they backtracked and took another path that led them into a kitchen where two kobolds were busy pickling meat.

Fat Slasher’s snooty demand to sample their wares was not well received, and a chaotic battle erupted. The fight quickly proved more difficult than expected, with the party’s attacks mysteriously failing to land effectively. The brawl devolved into a desperate scramble as the party split up; Fat Slasher teleported to safety behind the barricade while Goro fled down an unexplored hallway, running directly into the private chambers of the Kobold Chief.

The formidable chief, wielding a pristine dagger, swiftly cut Goro down. As their companion lay dying, Bogmire and Fat Slasher faced the remaining kobolds alone. Bogmire discovered a brutal but effective tactic: grappling the creatures and tossing them into the central fire pit. The final confrontation with the chief became a lengthy, ridiculous struggle. Fat Slasher managed to blind the creature by placing his cooking pot over its head, allowing Bogmire to grapple the leader and, with Fat Slasher’s help, drag him to the fire. They pinned the burning chief under a table until he perished, but their victory was bittersweet, as they were too late to save Goro.

OUTLINE:

Entering the Den and the Barricade Fiasco

• The party—Goro, Bogmire, and Fat Slasher—arrived at a den on a hillside.
• They encountered a crude barricade in the first room.
• Multiple attempts by the party to destroy the barricade with their weapons failed comically.
• The party easily bypassed the short barricade by stepping over and around it.

Exploring the Kobold Lair

• The party discovered an armory filled with rusted, useless equipment.
• They investigated seams in the floor but found no traps.
• They found small, dirty beds and hallways painted with red skulls, indicating kobold presence.
• Deciding they were after thieves and not kobolds, they turned back to explore another route.

A Culinary Confrontation

• The party entered a large kitchen with a fire pit, where two kobolds were pickling meats.
• Fat Slasher, a gourmand, demanded to taste the meat, rolling poorly on his charisma check.
• The offended kobolds immediately became hostile, initiating combat.

The Battle for the Kitchen and Goro’s Last Stand

• The party struggled to land hits on the kobolds, who seemed to magically avoid damage.
• The party scattered, with Goro fleeing down a new hallway.
• Goro ran into the Kobold Chief’s private quarters and was swiftly cut down.
• Fat Slasher used a shadow ability to teleport away, leaving Bogmire temporarily alone.

A Slapstick Victory and Tragic Loss

• Bogmire discovered grappling the kobolds and throwing them into the fire pit was an effective tactic.
• Fat Slasher rejoined the fight, and together they confronted the chief.
• Fat Slasher spent several rounds blinding the chief by holding a cooking pot on his head.
• The duo wrestled the chief across the room, finally pinning him under a table in the fire until he perished.
• After the battle, they found Goro had succumbed to his wounds and died.

NPCs:

• Kobold Chief: The leader of the kobold clan, larger and more imposing than his kin. He wielded a gleaming, perfectly maintained knife and proved to be a deadly combatant, felling Goro with a single critical strike before being defeated in a bizarre struggle.
• Kobold Grunts: A pair of small, reptilian humanoids found pickling meats in their den’s kitchen. They were surprisingly agile and fiercely defended their territory when provoked by the party.

ITEMS:

• Cooking Pot: Fat Slasher’s trusty cauldron. While intended for cooking, it served as an unconventional but highly effective tool for blinding the Kobold Chief.
• Gleaming Knife: A pristine dagger that belonged to the Kobold Chief. Its spotless condition suggested it was a prized possession. Bogmire recovered it after the chief was disarmed.
• Ham Sandwich: A simple ration that saved the lives of both Fat Slasher and Bogmire, allowing them to heal in the middle of a desperate battle.
• Pickled Meats: The supply of preserved meats the kobolds were preparing. Fat Slasher’s demand to sample them ignited the conflict, and he claimed the eight remaining rations after the fight.

LOCATIONS:

• Chief’s Quarters: The private bedroom of the Kobold Chief. It contained a single, oversized bed and was where Goro met his unfortunate end.
• Kobold Kitchen: A communal area within the den, featuring a large fire pit, work tables, and the kobolds’ supply of pickled meats. It became the bloody arena for the session’s main battle.
• Thieves’ Den: A hideout carved into a hillside, which the party discovered was actually inhabited by a small clan of kobolds. It consists of crude hallways and chambers, including an armory, kitchen, and living quarters.

QUESTS:

• Clear the Thieves’ Den: The party set out to investigate and clear a den believed to be occupied by thieves. They instead found a clan of hostile kobolds, which they have now mostly eliminated.

PLAYER CHARACTERS

• Bogmire: A formidable Crocodilian Blood Ranger from the swamps. Direct and favoring brute force, Bogmire often resorts to biting his foes or smashing obstacles. His relentless grappling proved to be the key to defeating the kobolds, as he threw them one by one into a roaring fire pit.
• Fat Slasher: A portly, goblin-esque Fetchling Kineticist dressed in a fine chef’s uniform. As a traveling gourmand, his passion for food is matched only by his unusual combat tactics, which include gathering shadow energy on a silver fork like spaghetti and using his cooking pot to blind his enemies. His haughty demeanor was the catalyst for the session’s bloody conflict.
• Goro: A four-armed Kasatha Slayer and a simple farmhand who worships the deity G. Goro. He was dutiful and brave, using his extra limbs to carry the party’s torch without sacrificing his combat readiness. Tragically, he was separated from the party and fell in battle against the Kobold Chief.